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Spider-Man Teams Up with Gambit & Howard the Duck: Uh, Why? (Part 1)

Posted on: August 26, 2009

Whoa. Ok, so I have this Spider-Man/Gambit/Howard the Duck team-up book that I picked up a Goodwill. (Someone’s ex-girlfriend or mom got some serious revenge, the pile of comics also had 2 near mint Watchmen #1s, a bunch of Akira including issue #1, and all four Miracleman trades PLUS the Neil Gaiman uncollected issues. For like 2 bucks each. Anyhoo.) I bought because it looked insanely ridiculous. Not quite Archie Meets the Ninja Turtles (which totally exists, by the way), but fuck, it’s HOWARD the DUCK.
This book was released in 1996, so we already know we’re dealing with some crazy nineties comics shit. The first half of the book features the Gambit/Spidey team-up. Except that this was 1996 and Peter Parker was taking a break while his clone Ben Reilly took up Spidering duties. Even though they thought PETER was the clone at the time and BEN was the original, oh fuck it, comics in the 90s make my head hurt sometimes.
So Spider-Ben is hanging out at a club in NYC. A Cajun themed joint named N’AWLINS, so naturally Gambit’s there too because his friend who is TOTALLY from NEW ORLEANS owns the club and didjaknow Gambit is from NEW ORLEANS? I bet you didn’t. Both heroes are hanging about in their NOT hero identities, which is dumb because they’d probably get more tail in costume. They hit on the same lady (hurr) and it’s really rather boring until Ben’s spidey sense tingles.
Some guy named Creaux (say it with me now, CREE-OH), who’s supposed to be in jail in Lousiana is at a club in New York named N’AWLINS. Okay. We flash back to…
Ben Reilly in New Orleans. The real one. He went there to disappear,”back when we still thought I was the clone.” He’s taken in a by a kindly ol’ shopkeeper lady, who gives him food and a roof over his head in exchange for Ben’s insanely amazing spectacular…dusting skills? Okay. Creaux, who as it turns out is a crooked New Orleans cop, shows up and starts roughing up Spider-Ben’s benefactor. Ben, who was hiding in the back of the shop at shopkeep lady’s behest, hops out and fucks Creaux’s shit up, blinding him in one eye.
Then Creaux gets mad and THROWS COCAINE IN SPIDER-BEN’S FACE. Yup. Okay, okay, It’s not cocaine, it’s “voodoo powder” and it paralyzes Spider-Ben. Right. Suddenly, the NOT crooked cops show up and arrest Creaux. Amidst the commotion, Shopkeep lady cures Ben’s paralysis cos she knows voodoo, and Ben escapes from New Orleans. He can’t talk to the cops because he’s wanted for murder in Utah and I am NOT explaining the all of nineties Spider-Man plot threads here. No. Use Wikipedia if you’re confused.
Back in the present day. New York. Creaux and his buddy are roughing up Gambit’s friend the Club Owner. They want him to put the cocai-I mean VOODOO POWDER in the club’s ventilation system so they can get EVERYONE secretly hooked on DRUGS and become the biggest druglords in New York. Gambit’s friend doesn’t wanna, so Creaux throws the voodoo powder at HIM. Then Gambit shows up, wanting to know what the bad man did to his friend the Club Owner.
They pull a gun on Gambit, but as usual Gambit fucks their shit up with PLAYING CARDS which, in all seriousness, SHOULD make him totally lame, but instead he’s the shit. Spider-Ben shows up cos this is a team-up book and he figured he should get his thorax in there and make the magic happen. The fight spills out into the club where Spider-Ben is thrown into a CROCODILE PIT. I am not making this shit up, guys. Meanwhile, up on a landing near what must be the convenient receptacle meant for throwing shit into the ventilation system, Gambit struggles with Creaux for posession of the cocaine baggi- I mean “pouch of voodoo powder.” They slip and the bag begins tumbling to the club floor below.
“Three seconds before the bag hits the crowd like nerve gas-” thinks Ben, as he crawls out of the crocodile pit (god, I love nineties comics) [Man, fuck nineties comics. -R], only to be slammed by Creaux’s indestructo brick wall of an associate, Tombstone. The bag hits the ground at the count of three, but doesn’t explode or turn everyone into a coke addict, which, really, I was kind of looking forward to.
Remember the little tarlet both Remy and Ben were chatting up when this whole thing started? Well, it turns out she’s an undercover narc. She pulls her gun on Tombstone, who basically laughs and picks her up by the neck. Spider-Ben and Gambit barge forward, screaming at the villain to get his own fucking date. They save the girl, and Spider-Ben sneaks upstairs to administer the voodoo powder antidote that he TOTALLY memorized during the flashback [A cold shower, rubbing everybody’s shoulders, telling everybody, “No way, it’s cool, just sit down, dude, it’s totally cool?” -R] to Gambit’s friend, the Club Owner. Then I hope he does a bunk, cos that tartlet’s a cop and Spider-I’m the Clone? No, YOU’RE the CLONE is wanted for murder in Utah and it can’t be long before she figures it out, right?
But then they all start slapping each other on the back and ISN’T IT GREAT TO HAVE FRIENDS and all the usual team-up wrap up crap. And then Howard the Duck breaks the 4th wall. And really, that’s what we’re all here for right?
You’ll have to wait for the second half of this recap. Savage Dragon shows up. Shit got so ridiculous I decided it merited it’s own writeup.

spidetgambit 001I have this Spider-Man plus Gambit plus Howard the Duck team-up book. It looked ridiculous on the shelf at Goodwill, so I bought it. Not quite Archie Meets the Ninja Turtles (which totally exists, by the way), but fuck, it’s HOWARD the DUCK.

This book was released in 1996, so we already know we’re dealing with some crazy nineties comics shit. The first half of the book features the Gambit/Spidey team-up. Except that this was 1996 and Peter Parker was trying to MAKE BABIES while his clone Ben Reilly took up web-slinging duties. At the time, they thought PETER was the clone and BEN was the original, oh fuck it, comics in the nineties make my head hurt sometimes.

Spider-Ben is hanging out at a club in NYC;  a Cajun themed joint named N’AWLINS, so naturally Gambit’s there too because his friend who is TOTALLY from NEW ORLEANS owns the club and didjaknow Gambit is from NEW ORLEANS? I bet you didn’t. Both heroes are hanging about in their NOT hero identities, which is dumb because they’d probably get more tail in costume. They hit on the same lady (hurr) and it’s really rather boring until Ben’s spidey sense tingles.

Some guy named Creaux (say it with me now, CREE-OH), who’s supposed to be in jail in Louisiana has moseyed into the club. Spider-Ben freaks and we flash back to…

Ben Reilly in New Orleans. The real one, not the club. He went there to disappear,

Seriously, what a dick.

Seriously, what a dick.

“back when we still thought [he] was the clone.” He’s taken in a by a kindly ol’ shopkeeper lady, who gives him food and a roof over his head in exchange for Ben’s amazing spectacular…dusting skills? Creaux, who as it turns out is a crooked New Orleans cop, shows up and starts bitch-slapping Spider-Ben’s benefactor. Ben, who was hiding in the back of the shop at Shopkeep Lady’s behest, hops out and fucks Creaux’s shit up, blinding him in one eye.

Creaux gets mad and THROWS COCAINE IN SPIDER-BEN’S FACE. Yup. Okay, okay, it’s not cocaine, it’s “voodoo powder” and it paralyzes Spider-Ben. Suddenly, the NOT crooked cops show up and they arrest Creaux. Amidst the commotion, Shopkeep Lady cures Ben’s paralysis cos she knows voodoo (because everybody in New Orleans has mad voodoo skills!), and Ben escapes. He can’t talk to the cops because he’s wanted for murder in Utah and I am NOT explaining all of the nineties Spider-Man plot threads here. No. Use Wikipedia if you’re confused.

Not!COCAINE TO THE FACE

Not!COCAINE TO THE FACE! Also, please note the mullet.

Back in the present day. New York. Creaux and his buddy are roughing up Gambit’s friend the Club Owner. They want him to put the cocai-I mean VOODOO POWDER in the club’s ventilation system so they can get EVERYONE secretly hooked on DRUGS and become the biggest druglords in New York. Gambit’s friend doesn’t wanna, so Creaux throws the voodoo powder at HIM. Then Gambit shows up, wanting to know what the bad man did to his friend.

The would be druglords pull a gun on Gambit, but as usual Gambit fucks their shit up with PLAYING CARDS which, in all seriousness, should make him totally lame, but instead he’s the shit. Spider-Ben shows up because this is a team-up book, after all, and he figured he should get his thorax in there and make the magic happen. The fight spills out into the club where Spider-Ben is thrown into a CROCODILE PIT. (I am not making this shit up, guys.)

Aren't there codes against this sort of thing?

Aren't there codes against this sort of thing?

Meanwhile, up on a landing near what must be the convenient receptacle meant for throwing shit into the ventilation system, Gambit struggles with Creaux for possession of the cocaine baggi- I mean “pouch of voodoo powder.” They slip and the bag begins tumbling to the club floor below.

“Three seconds before the bag hits the crowd like nerve gas-” thinks Ben, as he crawls out of the crocodile pit (god, I love nineties comics) [Man, fuck nineties comics. -R], only to be slammed by Creaux’s bulletproof brick wall of an associate, Tombstone. At the count of three the bag hits the ground, but it doesn’t explode or turn everyone into a coke addict, which, really, I was kind of looking forward to.

Remember the little tartlet both Remy and Ben were chatting up when this whole thing started? Well, it turns out she’s an undercover narc. She pulls her gun on Tombstone, who laughs and picks her up by the neck. Spider-Ben and Gambit barge forward, screaming at the villain to get his own fucking date. They save the girl, and Spider-Ben sneaks upstairs to administer to Gambit’s friend the voodoo powder antidote that he TOTALLY memorized during the flashback [A cold shower, rubbing everybody’s shoulders, telling them, “No way, it’s cool, just sit down, dude, it’s totally cool?” -R] . Then I hope Ben gets the hell out of dodge, cos that tartlet downstairs is a cop and Spider-“I’m the Clone? No, you’re the Clone!” is wanted for murder in Utah and it can’t be long before she figures it out, right?

But then they all start slapping each other on the back and doing the Marvel team-up equivalent of a “Whoooooa, Bundy,” giving Howard the Duck the perfect moment to break the fourth wall. And really, that’s what we’re all here for right?

spideygambit 010

You’ll have to wait for the second half of this recap. Savage Dragon shows up. Shit got so ridiculous I decided it merited it’s own writeup.

Spider-Man Teams Up with Gambit & Howard the Duck: Uh, Why? (Part 2)

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4 Responses to "Spider-Man Teams Up with Gambit & Howard the Duck: Uh, Why? (Part 1)"

Creaux is not Cree-oh, it’s crow.

Beaux is bow.

it I knew a third example I’d put it in this line.

But I kept reading cree-oh anyway, the power of suggestion is strong in this one.

You’re probably right. I’ve never heard it pronounced out loud. But I wouldn’t put it past anyone to make it SOUND like Creole. Cos, you know – N’awlins.

Sequel! I demand a sequel!

[…] know where to start. Howard the Duck comics are meant to be absurd, but this is just ridiculous. Last week, I recapped the first half of 1996’s Spider-Man Team Up #5, featuring Gambit. This week, I’m here to guide you through the insanity that was […]

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